Breaking Up: A Feeling So Heartrending..

Its fucking true. What you want the most in your life, never sticks around for too long. I've realized it as it has happened to me now. Sasha's gone!! I'm feeling sulky. And this feeling is making me dyslexic I guess. It all started 10-15 days ago and the breakup followed.

Before that..

We were sitting at a nearby food joint and I lit up a fag.
"Why don't you give up smoking? I don't like it."
"If I'm gonna do only things you like, then I'll be nothing but your puppet. That's what you want, han?" I said exasperatedly.
"That's not what I'm saying. Its for....."
"But that's what you meant to say.." I said cutting her in between. "..And I won't give up smoking. Stay if you like it, else....." Before I complete my sentence, tears started rolling down her cheeks. Her eyes were glinting with tears. They were peering an answer into mine as if were asking, 'Why are you doing this? You're the only one I love.' I couldn't help but stare. No words were exchanged. I walked her to her hostel. Neither byes nor hugs were exchanged, she just bolted up the stairs. I stood there for sometime staring her back and walked to home. After sometime, she texted, 'Hey..Ik its a hbit..bt u cn get ovr it..I'll help u.. :)'
'Kk..I'll try..bt i cant assure u.'. I texted back.
'K..I'll slp now..cya 2moro..ily <3'
'Kk..slp well ily 2'I texted and flung my phone on bed. As soon as I did this, I took out a ciggie from the box and started puffing it standing in my balcony. The conversation we had at the joint was on a repeat mode in my mind. Gazing at the smoke in air, I thought 'I cannot hurt her like this.' Her glinting eyes were flashing before me. 'But at the same time, I cannot leave the stress relieving habit I behold..' I smoked the thoughts off and passed out on my bed.
She tried everything she can to get me over my smoking, but in vain. (I never wanted to get over it though) There were times when I started hiding things from her. I used to smoke when she was not around. I felt bad but couldn't help it. One day she saw me smoking and less I knew, a raging argument followed. "You told me you'll try to kick the butt and this is how you try? Disgusting!!" She shouted pointing at my ciggie.
"And I told you I can't assure you anything" I defended.
"Yaa..now I get it. You never intended to kick it. Did you?" She was nearly in tears.
"No I didn't.." I answered rather bluntly.
"Fine then..I was a fool trying to help you get over a habit which is bad for you." She sobbed. I was irritated now. "Look Sasha, this is what I'm..you gotta understand and better deal with it. I can't be someone who I'm not."
"Ya now I understand it perfectly Rukk. I better leave you alone with your fucking cigarettes." She walked away wiping her tears. I stood there watching, hoping that she'll turn back, but she didn't. I could see her for sometime and then she faded out in the crowd. That night I couldn't sleep at all. All I thought was how badly I hurt her. In the upcoming days, I died to see that smile. Yes, she was not talking to me. I tried every possible way to contact her. Be it texting, calling, run into her now and then in classes, sending her chits via friends, taking help from Samaira making her understand and what not? But she was adamant on her decision. I thought one day she'll come to me, will kiss me and say "I missed you Rukk." But instead she came one day and said, "Rukk..we need to talk." I hugged her and said, "Yea..sure we do. A lot." She was just being hugged. She never hugged back so I let go. We went to her hostel and she sat by me. "Is it anything serious?" I asked with curiosity.
"Yes..This is not working out. We should part ways." She said. Her eyes were full of tears but somehow she was holding them back. "Wtf..but why?? How in this damn world you can say this??..I don't understand.. What is wrong... Smoking is not..." Words were not coming out of me. I stuttered. Now my eyes were teary too. "How can you do this to me Sasha? You know I love you." I managed to speak.
"I love you too. But lets face it, you cannot leave your habit and I cannot live with you with that." She was being more mature now.
"But..."
"But nothing Rukk..this is it..we need to breakup. We were always unsure about this relationship anyways. After this December, we will depart anyway. And LDR is not what I prefer. So why not now? Its for good for us both." Now she could not hold back her tears and started sobbing. We hugged and she kissed. "I'll always love you though. You'll get someone better than me. Remember what I said to you when we started going out." She broke out a half hearted smile.
"I want no one else but you." I was still in tears. She just gazed at me and smiled.
"This is our last night together, lets make it memorable for a lifetime." She said running her fingers in my hair. We made out passionately that night as if we are lovers who are going to die the next day. In the morning, I never wanted to leave but I had to as that is what reality was. We broke off but on a good note. Sasha will always remain as an ineradicable memory of my life. Her name itself brings a huge grin on my face. There's something inscrutable, something cryptical about her that I never understood. But then, that is what attracted me more towards her. And I still remember what she said when we were going out. It was like this:

(Addressing Me)

"When someone will see you, they'll find you average;

When they talk to you, they'll find you interesting;

When they'll hang out with you, they'll find you mysterious;

And when they will stay with you always, they'll fall in Love with you.